The Hobbit Gone Wild
by ILUVNCIS123
Summary: What happens when 12 Dwarves, A Wizard, A Hobbit and dragon end up in a Completely different universe in the 21st Century


**Hi Guys! Sorry I haven't uploaded in like forever but I have been having a bad time over the past year or so. **

**So here is something to make up for it!**

**Disclaimer - I DO NOT OWN THE HOBBIT!**

**I OWN Persia Barstow**

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><p>I was driving home from work, on the back roads when I saw these two men.<p>

They were in very bulky clothing.

At first I thought they were cosplayers until I drove closer too them.

"You've got to be kidding me..." I looked at the two men as I drove past them.

"It can't be... It's Fili and Kili..." I said to myself.

I slowed down a little and debated whether I should take them home.

"... Screw it... They are both gorgeous," I stopped my car and reversed back and stopped next to them.

"Are you lost or something?" I asked them both.

"Yes. Could you point us in the direction of Erebor?" The short man with long light brown hair and beard, Fili asked.

"Yeah... Urm... Wrong universe..." I replied.

"What do you mean by wrong universe?" The other man with long black hair who had a baby beard, Kili asked.

"Well... I don't really know how to explain..." I replied.

"Could you point us in a direction where someone might know how too help us?" Kili asked.

"I can't think of anyone off of the top of my head..." I replied.

"That's fantastic..." Fili said sarcastically.

"Do you know if there is an inn nearby?" Kili asked.

"Its about a 5 hour walk... But, I take lodgers," I lied.

"For a party of 14?" Fili asked.

"... If they don't mind sleeping on the floor, then yes," I lied again.

"That's brilliant! Where is your lodge?" Kili asked.

"Hold on brother, what would uncle say?" Fili asked Kili.

"We have found us a place to stay until we try and figure out what is going on, he will not mind," Kili replied.

"Get in and I will take you," I leaned over and opened the passenger door of my truck.

Both the men climbed in and closed the door.

"What is this thing?" Kilo asked pushing buttons and turning dials on the dash.

"It's a... carriage! There are little tiny horses under that lid," I pointed to the hood of the car as I drove down the hill to my house.

"We have seen a lot of these... carriages," Kili replied.

"You haven't stabbed one have you?" I asked.

"No. They move to quickly and have not bothered us. Its best not to make the man inside angry," Kili continued.

"Good idea," I replied.

"Look! Its uncle!" Fili pointed to a small group of people.

Kilo opened the car door and I slammed on the brakes.

"What the hell!" I shouted at Kili.

And what made the matters worse, a police car ran into the open door after I slammed on the breaks and took my door off.

I hit my head on my stearing wheel.

"PERSIA!" The policeman walked over to the car.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I really am!"

"Who are these-"

"Friends... They are from Scotland..." I lied.

"We are not fr-" I hit Kili in the stomach and smiled at Jack.

"Fili, Kill!" A man with long black hair, wearing similar clothing to Fili and Kili ran up to the car.

"Let's sort out insurance!" I grabbed my bag and pulled Jack over to the police car.

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><p>I waved to Jack as he drove off and then turned to Kili.<p>

"YOU KILLED MY CAR!" I shouted at him, walking over to him, Fili and the group of people.

A bald Dwarf stepped out holding an axe.

"Oh stop, you're no more intimidating than a bunny," I said to him.

"She was helping us Thorin," Fili interrupted as the bald dwarf look about ready to kill me.

"She has a lodge we can stay in," Fili continued.

"Aren't you a little young to own a lodge?" Thorin asked.

"I don't know..." I replied.

"How old are you?" A dwarf with a funny hat asked.

"... Human age, 18," I replied.

"So about 38 in dwarfish," A tall man in grey replied.

"Do you want a place to sleep or not," I asked.

"A bed would be nice round about now," The dwarf with funny hat replied.

"I only have two doubles beds and 3 Sofa's," I replied.

"It doesn't sound much of a lodge then," The bald dwarf from earlier replied.

"Fine. Sleep in a field," I got back in my car and drove off.

I looked in my mirror to see Kili, Fili and the bald dwarf having strong words with each other.

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><p>Later on that night, I was about to dig in to my pizza when there was a knock at the door.<p>

"Now I know how Bilbo feels..." I got up from my chair, pausing the movie I had put on the TV and went to answer the door.

I saw Fili and Kill standing in front of the small party of dwarves.

"Dwalin apologies for what he said earlier," Kili said.

"Meaning, you want to stay here," I replied.

"If that is alright," Thorin asked.

"... Boots, coats and weapons in the cupboard," I pointed to the cupboard under the stairs.

"Have you eaten?" I asked as Thorin came out of the cupboard under the stairs.

"No," He replied.

"Are you all ok with beef stew?" I asked.

"Meat in general is good," Dwalin replied walking into the living room and picking up my pizza.

"Don't touch or you are sleeping outside," I replied.

He put my pizza back on the table.

"I will go and warm up some stew..." I picked my pizza up, then turned TV off and walked towards the kitchen.

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><p>I sat on the counter next to the hob stirring the stew the odd time so it didn't burn when the dwarf with the funny hat walked in.<p>

"Excuse me Miss, but we were wondering if you have any ale," He asked.

"I am not a Miss, I am Persia. I might have some," I jumped off of the counter and took the stew off of the heat.

"Bofur," The dwarf replied holding out his hand.

I gave it a quick shake and walked to the dining room.

As a precaution, I padlocked all of my cupboards as I know the dwarves pillaged Bilbo's pantery.

I walked into the dining room to the spirit cupboard and opened it.

"No ale, but take this to them and I will take the other," I passed Bofur a box of beer, put a box of larger aside and locked the cupboard.

I followed Bofur back to the living room.

Fili was trying to start a fire.

"We have beer and larger, no ale," I said putting the box down on the floor.

"That'll do," Kili opened the box, took out a bottle and wondered how to open it.

I took the bottle from him and took the lid off with a bottle opener and passed it back to Kili before putting the bottle opener on the mantle piece and walking back to the kitchen.

I heard someone follow me, but ignored them and began to get plates of the cupboard.

"Smells good," Bofur said.

I looked up at him.

"I hope it will be ok," I put the plates on the counter before getting up off of the floor and closing the cupboard. "I cook large amounts and freeze it,"

"Shall I tell the lads to come in?" Bofur asked.

"In a final line... Yes..." I replied as I put a couple of ladles of stew on a plate.

Once everyone had gotten some food and were settled in the living room, I sat down at the table and ate my pizza.

Dwalin walked in the dining room and stood at the end of the table.

"What shall I do with my plate?" He asked.

"Put it on the side in the kitchen and tell the others to do the same if they have finished," I replied before taking a drink of cider.

Dwalin walked into the kitchen and then walked back to the living room.

I sighed before putting my head on the table gently and closed my eyes.

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><p><strong>AN - I hope you guys enjoyed it. And I hope you can R&R the other chapters :)**


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